Units Galore!
by DoctorRed54321
Summary: Stereotypical me, being a stereotypical HetaFan ! Rated T for multilangauge curses.
1. Chapter 1

I am never using the Internet ever again.

Why?

Allow me to tell you.

...Maybe we should use a flashback to explain any farther.

-Two hours before-

I was watching my daily dose of Yogscast, just...

It was on their ad-ridden site.

I was going back and re-watching their Shadow of Israphel (They had to continue it soon, right?) when my cat jumped up by my keyboard.

"No, Silver. Don't do it." I said, watching my cat. She had the habit of doing the most annoying thing possible.

She also had the habit of understanding what I didn't want her to do. And then her other habit kicked in.

She silently slipped a paw onto my keys, hitting the 'ESC' button, and several of the nearby.

"Bad kitty..." I said, misrably. I picked her up and set her by my mointer.

She clawed the mouse like it was an actual mouse, clicking on an ad or three.

"Stahp." I said, glaring at her and pushing her away.

She meowed in my face and did it again.

_Silver is going to infect my computer..._

I sighed, giving up. I unplugged the mouse and took at the wired one, not taking a look at my screen till it was too late.

When I finally did stop glaring at my cat and look at the screen, an ad was ticking down.

It was a green-based ad, with blue, AR CHRISTY font telling me that the timer with... 0:02 seconds left (According to the ad) would automatically place an order for some HETALIA UNITS.

As you might guess, I was a bit too slow to click the 'X.'

The ad changed to a grinning America, with large, flashing, red-white-and-blue text saying, "Order placed! Expect in the next hour!"

I facepalmed. REALLY? REALLY?

I looked to my cat. "Sometimes, I really, really hate you."

She meowed.

-Back to where I am now-

So, I'm a little mad. A little.

I didn't even ask the man who made me sign what I was signing for. I asumed it was for my mother... He pushed it in and _then _I asked.

"It's your new UNITS, ma'am." He said, walking out again.

"Wat." I blinked.

He rolled another in (during which I stared), and handed me two manuals."Have fun."

And with that, he left.

_Well... _I thought, _They have to be from Hetalia, so says the ad... So, maybe, I'll get Italy and Romano! Or Ammie and Canady- I MEAN CANADA._

Sighing, I looked at the manual on top. I'm happy I took those langauge classes.

Walking up to the smaller box of the two, I whispered, "Hey...! Lovino...! Sei sveglio, è adorabile piccolo mostro?"

A young, Italian voice wailed from inside, "Ehi, sei tu che coglione Spagna?! Fatemi uscire, fatemi uscire! E 'buio e tagliente!"

I almost started to panic. "Shh, shh! Non urlare. Ti svegli l'altra. Sto aprendo ora, va bene?" Almost.

Then I did, when I couldn't find the crowbar and Romano started wailing in fear.

Then, I heard an explodsion-like noise, followed by loud, tapping footsteps.

A very, very freaky voice cooed, "Don't cry, little one. I am here."

"Io non s-so come p-parlare in Americano..." I heard Romano mumble, his voice trembling.

Then another tear.

Here I truely spazzed, running back into the room to see a very... Different sight.

Two of my favourite countries...

Uh...

"Are you okay, dear?" Oliver said.

"Sì, stupido zenzero! Stai bene?" Lovino asked.

I swear I fainted. The two will tell me a different story, but...

.. ... ..

I watched the girl stare... Only then I noticed her right eye had no pupils, swirling green and brown, certain blues, too... But her left had frosting-red hues being chased by grays and blacks... Her eyes where so much like mine!

The small Italian child I was holding pulled on my hair. "Aiutarla, coglione! Aiutarla! Sembra rotto!"

"Calm down, please!" I said, panicking and feeling very sad for some reason.

The staring girl's eyes closed, and she walked up to me. I watched her as she grabbed my bowtie, pulling it off and colasping. When I went to get it back from her, she had her unconsious hand gripping it too tightly for him to pry loose.

"Lasciami andare, bastardo!" The child beat his hands on my arms, and I set him by the girl's flaming hair (which was quite... Everywhere, now she had fallen). He poked the girl's black hoodie repetedly.

"Signora! Signora, prego tutto bene, ti prego ti prego ti prego!" He seemed quite upset...

"What's wrong, young one?"

"Non parlo Americano!" He whined.

"A-Americano? I'm not American..." I said. The boy slightly insulted me. How dare he mistake me for that sleeze, Allan?! Maybe the boy would like a cupcake or two...?

"Perché stai sorridi così raccapricciante-come?" He said, starting to shake and shiver in terror.

"Cuppycakes for a young man to dine on!" I said, grinning.

I wasn't able to start towards the kitchen and begin cooking, because a black-haired woman walked in, eyes glaring as she saw the first girl.

Her biker-like clothes hugged her curved frame, her hair pulled back into a ponytail. She had boots and skinny jeans on, her brown eyes making quite the contranst from her oddly orange-and-blue glasses.

I put my hand into my pocket quickly, grabbing for my knives.

"What in HELL did you do to my kid?!" She barked, unsettling me.

I pulled out a knife, refusing to answer. She took it as a threat (Which was correct) and rushed us.

She was a good fighter. She launched a kick at my gut, effectively knocking my breath out (As well as putting me on my bum and taking my knife from my grasp). I wheezed, something warm and sticky coming out on my hand.

"I _said_," she yelled, "What did you do to my daughter?!"

"Non abbiamo fatto niente! Lei cadde incosciente se stessa!"

The woman stopped and looked at the child. "Oh, gosh. I don't speak Italian as well as Red does... Uhhh..."

I quietly got up, gripping my blade. This woman had agravated me...

.. ... ..

Hello. I am Tara.

I just kicked something (I later find) that can kill me with cooking.

Oops...

And, he has knives.

Knives are bad.

Then there's the Italian kid, who didn't speak English. I was having problems, because I only knew Spanish and some Chinese, so... Watch me attempt to talk to him.

Skip watching me talk to him if you don't speak Italian or Spanish/don't have a translator/are too lazy to translate.

"Uh, uhh... ¿Usted habla nada de español?"

"...Muy, muy poco. Almeno, questo è quello che la Spagna coglione ha detto a me dirlo!"

"Uh... Okay... Ma ... Puoi continuare a parlare in spagnolo per ora?"

"Parli così coglione, Spagna!" He laughed. I couldn't tell if he was laughing at me or not... His eyes grew wide. "Lady! Il pazzo sta attaccando! Guarda dietro di te!"

No time to guess. The man I kicked had a knife around my neck, now, and all I could do was bite his hand.

Which I didn't do.

I should of.

He cut my face playfully. "I may make you a cuppycake! Direct me to your kitchen, love."

I felt the silme (Which is commonly called blood, for some reason) slide down my cheek. "No... I won't. Stay the joder away from my children!"

I struggled against his grip. He didn't want me to be released.

"Don't curse around me, dear."

"Ehh...?" A weak voice rose from the floor. "Mum...? Are the units real...?"

It turns out, the little one spazzed out on Red, trying to wake her up silently. It worked.

"Hey, hey! Bambina! Tutto bene, signora? Alzati, il pazzo è in arrivo..." He was saying, and, being distracted by a knife, I couldn't quite hear him.

Red lifted up and held the kid close, not wanting "L'uomo pazzo" to get him. I took the man's curiousity and used it against him, shoving him off and kicking him.

Alot.

"Mum, stop!" Red said, pulling me away.

"He cut me! _On the face! _Now I'll have much less money... Danggit!"

"I know, but he recovers quickly." She grabbed the man's arm, holding the Italian kid in the other hand. "Help me drag into the closet."

My daughter ended up saving me that day. How?

Who knows?

_**(( Hewo again, guys!**_

_**(If anyone ever reads this, from my other stories, I guess..)**_

_**This is another Unit Fanfaction (I know, very steroytpical of me, et cetra et cetra). **_

_**DEAL.**_

_**XD Just kiding. Expect short chappys, 'cuz that's just whut I write like.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Holding Silver close, I was afraid for my life. The noises had gotten _loud_. I was shaking, and Silver was licking my hand. I was covered in sweat from running so much (And I tell you, **I don't run**), my eyes burning from the liquid that was recently poured in them, and my arms were burning.

I tried forget all that. I focused on Silver. Her coat was sticking out on end, her eyes barely a sliver of their normal size. Her claws were unintionally drove into my chest (Which was were she was laying on me) and her ears back.

Silver meant A-_LOT _to me. I had to protect her.

I took her only cat-carrier (It was origanally a dog-carrier, but never the matter!) and put her on my pillow (which was inside [along with a few of her catnip toys, my 3DX, it's charger in the big, cat-carrying part. The top where the toys are _suppost _to go held my stash of money]), then zipped it up. She didn't like being confined...

I pulled it onto my back, one strap around my neck and and one around my waist. She wouldn't like such a bumpy ride, but it was for their safety.

Sadly, I wasn't thinking of the consquences..

I straightened my back, stretching out my limbs and spreading my fingers apart. It's quite a hassle to ever get me to run, so I was preparing myself for every aspect.

I wish I had been paying attention to the laughter growing louder.

.. ... ..

I grabbed the child by her hair. She didn't think about leaving the door open, I assume.

_I_ regretted grabbing the firey flames of her head. I couldn't remove my hand.

"Oi, nice to see you again. You finally give up?" I said, hiding my own terror. My hand! MY HAND!

"...The hell do you want?" She muttered. I saw her cat hiss at me from it's box.

"Such a nasty mouth for a sweet girl!" I said, grinning. Oh my God... MY HAND! How nappy can a girl's hair get?!

"So? Why are you torturing us?"

"Adrenaline rushes are fun. Screaming is music to me. Terrifying? No, amusing." I said in a light voice, taking a momment to laugh off my fear of- OHMYGODIT'SMOVINGANDTAKING OVERMYHANDHELP.

"You sound sick... But you're terrified yourself, aren't you?" She said. SHEFOUNDOUT.

"What are you talking about?" I said darkly.

"Your hand is shaking."

"How do you feel that in your hair...?!" I said, curious, yet still on edge.

"Subject to experimentations." She said, shifting her weight. "Look, just go back in the closet, and all will be fine."

"You have my hand, deary." I said, pulling my hand out slowly.

She facepalmed. "Y'don't say.."

She used her hands and slowly pulled my hand free. I rubbed it, wondering if her hair had effected it.

"I hate war, so maybe we can make cupcakes sometime?" She said weakly.

"...I don't half hate that idea, love." I said. She was the only one who hadn't tried to harm me or threaten me. She just had a filthy mouth while alone.

And I had some soap.

_**(( So, Red has feeling in her hair due to some chemical mutantions. Her hair was shaved from completely off, mutated, and then it slowly grew back, just as hair-coated skin-nerves. **_

**EXTREMELY **_**small nerves, so it's **_**EXTREMELY **_**hard to notice the difference between her hair before and her hair now. It acts the same, it feels the same, it looks the same.**_

_**Just smells different.**_

_**No, her mother doesn't know she volunteered for experiments. Where do you think she gets money from? She's barely 13!**_

_**No, Red is not me. She just shares some (er, **_**alot**_**) of my traits!**_

_**-DR54321**_


End file.
